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    成年人的對抗,是懂得對情緒負責

    所屬欄目:人生感悟 | 審核時間: 2019-07-12??
    人生感悟:女人覺得報答男人的最好方法是為他守身如玉。男人覺得報答女人的最好方法是給她更多的錢。女人覺得報復男人的最好方法是跟別的男人上床,男人覺得報復女人的最好方法是把錢給別的女人。女人以為,男人最在乎的是性。男人以為,女人最在乎的是錢。實恰恰相反.自己最在乎的東西,才會以為對方最在乎。

    昨天,好友依依哭著跟我打了一個小時的電話。

    依依下午到學校去接兒子放學,順便帶兒子去游樂園玩了半個小時。

    沒想到老公提前下班回家了,老公打電話責備她為什么還不回家做飯。

    依依回家后,剛進門,老公就劈頭蓋臉地把她罵了一頓,在一旁的兒子嚇得大哭。

    依依咽不下這口氣,決定帶著兒子回娘家,要跟老公離婚,兩個人越吵越激烈,最后打了一架。

    依依的臉被老公打腫了,老公的右手被依依用凳子打骨折了,最后一家人全部去了醫院。

    依依說她的老公是一個特別容易情緒化的人,工作壓力大了,只要遇到不順心的事,一回到家就會沖她發脾氣,跟老公根本無法正常溝通。

    由于老公情緒不穩定,也讓依依的情緒有時候也有些失控。

    依依哭著說,我很愛他,也很愛這個家,但真的受夠了這種提心吊膽的日子了。

    你看,無法控制情緒的人,會給自己以及身邊的人帶來無法預知的災難。



    情緒管理專家羅納德曾說:

    研究表明,暴風雨般的憤怒,持續時間往往不超過12秒,爆發時可以摧毀一切,但過后卻風平浪靜,如果控制好這12秒,就能排解負面情緒。

    一念天堂,一念地獄,有多少人就因為沒有躲過這12秒,控制不住自己的情緒,造成了不可彌補的后果。

    聽過這樣一句話:

    世界上最凄涼的距離是兩個人本來距離很遠,互不相識,忽然有一天,他們相識,相愛,距離變得很近,然后有一天,不再相愛了,本來很近的兩個人,變得很遠,甚至比以前更遠。

    為什么親近的兩個人,距離會越來越遠呢?

    那是因為你們的相處越來越艱難了。

    為什么相處越來越難了?

    因為你們控制不了自己的情緒,溝通越來越難了。

    情緒是魔鬼,你不控制它,它便會吞噬你。





    心理學家菲斯汀格在書中講過一個小故事。

    一個叫卡斯丁的男人早上起來刷牙,將手表放在洗手臺上,妻子擔心手表會被水打濕,就把手表拿到餐桌上。

    兒子在吃早餐,不小心將手表摔壞了。

    卡斯丁一氣之下將兒子揍了一頓,責備妻子為什么把手表放到餐桌上。

    妻子覺得很委屈,跟丈夫爭吵了半個小時。

    丈夫氣得早餐都沒吃就去上班了,快到公司才發現沒有拿公文包,只能開車回家去拿。

    到家后,他才發現門鑰匙在公文包里面,可妻子去上班了,進不了門,只好打電話讓妻子送鑰匙回來。

    妻子氣喘吁吁趕回家,在路上不小心撞翻了路邊水果攤,她不得不賠錢給賣水果的老板。

    卡斯丁拿到公文包后去公司,上班遲到了,上司把他批評了一頓。

    妻子也因早退被扣除當月全勤獎,兒子這天參加棒球賽,原本奪冠有望,卻因被爸爸罵了一頓心情不好,第一局就被淘汰了。



    這個故事就是著名的“費斯汀格法則”:
     
    生活中10%是由發生在你身上的事情組成,而另外的90%則是由你對所發生事情如何做出反應所決定的。

    在這個事例中,手表被摔壞是其中的10%,后面一系列事情就是另外的90%。

    卡斯丁沒有很好地掌控那90%,才導致了一天的不幸。

    假如,卡斯丁在那10%產生后,能控制自己的情緒,安慰他的兒子說,摔壞了沒事,還可以修好。

    可能這一天的生活,就會完全不一樣。

    但生活中大多數的人,控制不了自己的情緒,會因為控制不了這10%的事情,而毀掉了90%可掌控的人生。

    有人問,成年人最大的能力是什么?

    四個字概括:情緒穩定。




    看到一朋友發的朋友圈,大致內容是:

    我真后悔,將憤怒發泄到不相干的人的身上,使人無辜受牽連。

    我手滑給他點了一個贊,后來他給我發了一段語音說:

    “我今天上班,跟同事鬧了一點不愉快,心里憋了一肚子的火氣,下班后我心情還沒有平復,到家后,我把氣撒到了老婆的身上。

    我的女兒正在房間拉小提琴,老婆估計被我罵了一頓后心里不爽,就讓女兒不要拉那個破琴了,女兒一氣之下將小提琴砸了。”

    聽完他的語音,我想起了自己之前做錯的一件事情。

    有一次,我跟客戶談完合作,正準備簽合同,客戶接完一個電話,突然說還要再考慮一下,說下次再聊。

    那一天我心情特別郁悶,晚上下班回到家,我媽跟我說話我都沒勁搭理她。

    過了半個小時,我媽喊我吃飯,我說不吃了。

    我媽一直勸我吃,我當時很不耐煩地把她說了一頓。

    過了一會,我爸下班回家了,笑嘻嘻地說:“都在等我吃飯吧,那我們開動吧。”

    我媽說:“吃吃吃,就知道吃。”

    那天晚上,我們一家三口都沒吃飯。



    事后,我挺后悔的,因為自己的不順心,連帶家人也受到牽連。

    后來我就發誓,從此以后絕對不會將自己的不如意遷怒到別人身上,也不會把壞情緒帶回家。

    我特別認同電視劇《好先生》里說的一句臺詞:

    你知道,成年人和孩子之間最大的區別,是什么嗎?就是成年人得自己收拾爛攤子。

    是啊,情緒穩定的成年人,不應該是把最壞的情緒留給家人,應該是不把壞情緒帶回家。

    可是,我們多數人都習慣了把最壞的情緒留給最親的人,把最好的一面留給陌生人。

    很少有人會在回家前盡量調整好心情,然后面帶微笑,走進家門。





    華盛頓大學曾請沃倫•巴菲特和比爾•蓋茨到學校演講,當學生們問到說:

    “你們為什么比上帝還富有?”

    巴菲特說:

    “這個很簡單啊,原因不在于智商,而在于脾氣。”

    比爾蓋茨說:

    “我認為沃倫的話完全正確,掌握情緒的能力決定人的健康,決定人能否成功和一生是否幸福,不被情緒綁架,才能野蠻生長,必要的沉默,也是一種成熟。”

    做一個溫柔又有力量的人,你會發現:

    在黑夜里失聲痛哭以后,天亮后你依然會堅定前行,那些讓你痛苦的事,讓你崩潰的瞬間,在你拼盡全力忙碌的日子里,真的,不值得一提。

    余生,別忘記做一個情緒穩定的人,對自己和世界負責。

    上一篇:想對自己說一句對不起 下一篇:沒有了
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