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    人,要么孤獨,要么庸俗

    所屬欄目:人生感悟 | 審核時間: 2019-07-09??
    人生感悟:說話是一門學問,說話簡單,但會說話卻不簡單。口無遮攔,很有可能招來不必要的麻煩。看破不說破,有時候才是人生的大智慧。一個明智的人,不會隨便議論東家長、西家短。余生,愿你我都做一個會說話的人。

    劉同在《你的孤獨,雖敗猶榮》一書中說:

    曾經我認為:孤獨是世界上只剩自己一個人。

    現在我認為:孤獨是自己居然就能成一個世界。

    深以為然,我們都活得很孤獨。

    比如,你的手機沒電了,你一個人發呆幾分鐘,你就會覺得無比孤獨。

    為了躲避孤獨,你瘋狂地刷朋友圈,瘋狂地約好友相聚,瘋狂地融入別人的圈子。

    一旦沒有人搭理你,你就會坐立不安,總感覺身邊得有個人陪著,你的心里才踏實。

    看見別人哭,你也配合著哭,看見別人笑,你也跟著笑。

    社交可能會讓我們做出一些犧牲,但一個具有獨特個性、善于獨處的人,他很少會做出這樣的犧牲。

    所以,一個人逃避、忍受或習慣獨處,和你自身具備的價值是掛鉤的。

    因為,一個人的時候,可憐的人會感受到自己全部的可憐之處,而一個有獨特思想的人會感覺到自己豐富的思想。

    很多人覺得自己活得很孤獨,但極少數人能享受孤獨,于是你的悲傷幾乎都來自于不善于在房間獨處。

    亞里士多德說:“離群索居者不是野獸,便是神靈。”

    在這個世界上,很多人贏在了不像別人,一些人卻輸在了不像自己。




    不知道你有沒有發現這樣一個現象:

    你一個人吃飯,別人會說你好可憐;
    你一個人看電影,別人說你活得太孤獨了吧;
    你一個人做一件事,你身邊的人總會同情你。

    在很多人眼里,孤獨的人是失敗的,孤獨的人是可憐的,甚至孤獨的人是可恥的。

    為了“合群”,我們常常做些違心的事:

    明明不想吃酸辣粉,看到其他人都在吃,于是就跟著吃了;
    明明不想去逛街,看到其他人都去了,于是就跟著逛了;
    為了不顯得孤獨,拼命地合群著。

    可是你感覺到沒有,你努力合群的樣子,顯得更孤獨。

    前天晚上,一同事下班比較早,覺得一個人呆著有點無聊。

    他馬上發了一條朋友圈:“歡樂頌,K歌的有沒有?”

    35分鐘,召集了12個人,包括我。

    我們唱歌唱到凌晨2點,順便吃了個宵夜,到家都4點多了。

    在開車回家的路上,他給我發信息說:“哎,熱鬧之后更孤獨。”

    我們快馬加鞭地組團玩耍,是為了消除孤獨,但最后的得到的還是孤獨。

    魯迅在《小雜感》中寫道:

    “樓下一個男人病得要死,那間隔壁的一家唱著留聲機,樓上有兩人狂笑,還有打牌聲......人類的悲歡并不相通。”

    好一句,人類的悲歡,并不相通,其實啊,每個人都是孤獨的。

    我們活在這世界上,最終還是要掌握與自己獨處的能力:

    理解孤獨、接受孤獨、享受孤獨。

    學會獨處,是一個人最好的奢侈品。




    讀書的時候,我是一個特別害怕獨處的人。

    上課、吃飯、去食堂、上廁所一定會拉著同學一起去。

    我不敢一個人去食堂吃飯,我害怕別人用奇怪的眼光看我,因為那意味著:你沒朋友、性格孤僻、不合群。

    所以很多時候,我寧愿不吃飯,也不要一個人吃;寧愿參加不喜歡的活動,也不愿意一個人呆著。

    我認識的一作家朋友,跟我分享了他上學時的經歷。

    他讀高中時,總是獨來獨往,沒有什么朋友,因為他不那么合群。

    別人去網吧,他在寫小說;別人去聚會,他在寫小說;別人忙著談戀愛,他在寫小說。

    他一天幾個小時都可以不跟別人講話,他會一個人去湖邊寫文章,或者看風景,也不會覺得無聊。

    這樣的日子,看似孤獨,但他卻樂此不疲,并快速地寫完了小說。

    某天他對同學說:“這是我一個人寫的小說,我覺得寫很厲害。”

    同學冷嘲熱諷說:“懶得看,礙眼。”

    然而,白駒過隙,喜歡獨處的他成就了自己,成為了百萬暢銷書作者,而他的很多同學連工作都沒有。

    你看,享受孤獨,會讓一個人變得強大。

    可見,獨處的時光是提升自我價值的最佳時期。

    《遠遠的村莊》一書中說:

    “孤獨是非常必要的,一個人在孤獨時間所做的事,決定了這個人和其他人的與眾不同。”

    有時候,拉開你和別人差距的,可能就是你孤獨的時光。

    我們常常問別人:

    你夠優秀嗎?

    現在,請你問問自己:

    你夠孤獨嗎?




    你一個人的時候會做什么?

    一個人回家進門就脫鞋子、脫衣服;
    一個人癱在床上翹著二郎腿,嗑著瓜子;
    一個人上廁所都不關門。

    你發現沒,當你一個人的時候,你釋放的所有情緒都是本能的,你所有的舉動都是在寵幸自己。

    你跟別人在一起,為了迎合他人,你總處于社會狀態;

    你一個人的時候,為了取悅自己,你才會處于自然狀態。

    一個人想要找到好的生活狀態,是不需要依賴任何人,也不需要他人成全。

    一個人的時候,不會有人來打擾你,你可以按照自己的想法做自己想做的事,不用顧忌任何人。

    這樣的孤獨是很可貴的,因為你擁有了難得的自由。

    叔本華說:

    “只有當一個人獨處的時候,他才可以完全成為自己,誰要是不熱愛獨處,那他就是不熱愛自由,因為只有當一個人獨處的時候,他才是自由的”。

    是的,孤獨才是一個人最昂貴的自由。

    因為當你擁有了孤獨,你也擁有了最真實的自我。




    林語堂說:

    “孤獨兩個字拆開,有孩童,有瓜果,有小犬,有蚊蠅,足以撐起一個盛夏傍晚的巷子口,人情味十足。

    孩童水果貓狗飛蠅當然熱鬧,但都與你無關,這就叫孤獨。 ”

    這才是孤獨,你那些所謂的孤獨不過是寂寞罷了。

    看過一句讓我熱淚盈眶的話:

    “后來許多人問我一個人夜晚踟躕路上的心情,我想起的卻不是孤單和路長,而是波瀾壯闊的海洋和天空中閃耀的星光。”

    人啊,要么孤獨,要么庸俗,那些想摘星星的人啊,你要明白,忍受孤獨是我們成長路上的必修課。

    有句話說,無聊者自厭,寂寞者自伶,孤獨者自足。

    余生:

    愿你不畏狂風與烈酒,迎著風走去留也自由。

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