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    和舒服的人在一起,就是最好的養生

    所屬欄目:愛情物語 | 審核時間: 2019-07-12??
    愛情物語:如果你想成功,那么你要記住:遺產為零,誠實第一,學習第二,禮貌第三,刻苦第四,精明第五。 ????

    美國著名作家約翰·戈特曼在其著作《幸福的婚姻》里,曾提到過這樣兩組數據:
    如果健身愛好者每周從他們的健身時間里勻出10%的時間,來鍛煉他們的婚姻而不是他們的身體,他們在健康方面獲得的好處將是在跑步機上跑步的3倍。
    不幸婚姻的承受者患病概率大約增加35%,并且平均壽命縮短4年。相反,與那些離婚或身處不幸婚姻的人相比,生活在幸福婚姻中的人活得更長久,更健康。
    這兩組數據放在一起,赤裸裸地揭露了一個扎心真相。
    那就是最好的養生方式,其實就是跟一個舒服的人在一起,擁有一段舒適的親密關系。
    你的身體健康,取決于你的心情,而你的心情好壞,往往取決于能否跟身邊的人相處舒服。


    01
    相處舒服,是因為三觀相合。
    人與人之間的磁場,沿著三觀向外輻射。
    三觀相合的人互相吸引,自然而然地聚在一起;而三觀不合的人,說句話都似在翻山越嶺,疲憊又心累。
    《愛情保衛戰》里,有對情侶因為三觀不合鬧得不可開交。
    男生覺得生日和節日全都可以無所謂,只不過是所有普通日子當中的某一天,女生覺得那一天就是有著特殊的含義,就是要用不同的方式不同的儀式感來證明彼此相愛;
    男生認為女生喜歡鮮花和布偶什么的過于天真幼稚,女生覺得男生喜歡的東西也都沒品味;
    男生認為出去旅行就是為了去拍照記錄生活,而女生認為旅行就是要體驗,要用心感受兩個人在一起的時光。
    對于生活當中很多相同的事物,兩個人基本上都有著完全不同的認知。
    但事實上,誰對誰錯其實并沒什么統一的標準。
    而問題就在于,兩人經常對對方的觀念和認知不屑一顧地表示否定和抱怨。
    看到兩人這樣,涂磊說:
    “兩個人之間,如果三觀不合并且難以調和,那永遠無法愉快地過在一起。三觀不合的兩個人,在一起是不會幸福的,甚至是不會輕松的。”

    的確,兩個人如果三觀不合,永遠不會是一路人,相處起來只能是互相折磨,身心俱疲。
    就像有句話所說的那樣,比起貧窮等其他因素而導致的不相愛,三觀不合導致的不相愛才最為致命。
    相愛看五官,相處看三觀。三觀相合,才能相處舒服。


    02
    相處舒服,是因為彼此懂得。
    在一期《奇葩說》里,柏邦妮問:“心里苦的人,要多少甜才能填滿啊?”
    馬東說:“心里有很多苦的人,只需要一絲甜就能填滿。”
    感情里的一份懂得,恰恰就是那一絲甜。
    楊絳和錢鐘書是出了名的文壇伉儷,兩人相知相守,恩愛數載。
    有一次,楊絳給錢鐘書寫了一封信,信上只有一個字:慫。
    相信這樣的一封信,任誰收到心里都不好受。
    但懂楊絳如錢鐘書,他很快便給楊絳回了信,信里同樣只有一個字:您。
    楊絳收到錢鐘書的回信之后,就瞬間明白了他的心意,甚至為兩人的心有靈犀感動落淚。
    那么,這封被稱為史上最短的情書到底是什么意思呢?
    原來,楊絳寫的“慫”字,意思是問錢鐘書心上到底有幾個人?
    而錢鐘書回的“您”字,意思是心里只有你一個。

    果然,彼此懂得的兩個人,哪怕寥寥數語,也能明白對方的心意;
    而彼此不懂的人,就算千言萬語說盡,也是雞同鴨講,比搬磚還累。
    有人曾這樣形容過人與人之間的相知相懂:
    你在水里自由自在,我在岸上心情澎湃,哪怕沒有相見,也能懂得彼此的真心所在。
    感情里,相遇,相識從來都不是問題,問題是能不能彼此相知,互相懂得。
    懂,無關風雨晴天,無關時間長短,它是兩個人相愛至深的最好證明,也是彼此之間經過歲月的沉淀,修得的最大福分。
    人與人之間最舒服的相處就是,欣賞彼此的好,懂得彼此的苦。
    顧城曾在詩里描寫過這樣的唯美畫面:
    “草在結它的種子,風在搖它的葉子,我們站著,不說話,就十分美好。”
    彼此懂得的兩個人就是如此,哪怕只是靜靜地站著,一句話也不說,也足夠美好和愜意,足夠很安逸和舒服。


    03
    相處舒服,是因為情緒一致。
    什么叫情緒一致呢?
    不是你們永遠都悲喜相同,而是在特定的情況下,能做到巧妙共情。
    你高興的時候,他不冷言冷語打擊你;你傷心的時候,他不咧著嘴取笑你。
    網上有位女女曾經這樣吐槽自己糟糕的生活狀態,她說:
    “有一次晚上做了一個好玩的夢,第二天中午吃飯的時候突然想起來了,于是就興高采烈地跟老公具體描述,自始至終,我都興致勃勃。”
    沒想到老公聽完后,冷冷地來了三個字:沒意思。
    日常生活中,很多時候她對一些事興趣盎然的時候,老公就大煞風景地興味索然。
    當她在工作中取得了一些好的成績,開開心心跟老公分享的時候,老公要么就是一副漠不關心的樣子,要么就是一盆冷水澆下來,澆得自己透心涼。
    時間久了,她覺得所有開心和痛苦,通通只是自己一個人的,對方并不能感受和理解半分。
    這樣的日子,讓她覺得很累,也很心酸。
    有句話說:知你冷暖,懂你悲歡的人,才能更好地給你幸福。
    兩個情緒可以一致的人,你快樂的時候,他為你開心,你悲傷的時候,他替你難過。
    這樣的兩個人在一起,即使這世上不存在真正的感同身受這回事,也能內心得到慰藉,心里感到舒服。
    而兩個情緒無法一致的人,你都悲傷地要上吊了,他卻在旁邊喜滋滋地以為你在蕩秋千。
    這樣的一段關系,對誰來說都是一種身心上的消耗。


    04
    和舒服的人在一起,就是最好的養生。
    人與人之間,從來都是相遇容易,相處難。
    處得舒服,心情愉悅,精神煥發,不用依靠補品都能很好地養生;
    處不好,內心焦躁,生活看不到希望,日子看不到奔頭,對身心都是一種摧殘。
    和相處舒服的人在一起,彼此之間不會因為三觀不合而矛盾重重,不會因為彼此不懂而沖突不斷,更不會因為情緒總是不一致而內心涼涼。
    “攝生之道,大忌嗔怒。”
    跟相處舒服的人過日子,清凈自在,內心安寧,就是最好的養生;
    和不舒服的人在一起,雞飛狗跳,家煩宅亂,無異于互相投毒,慢性自殺。
    一段關系最好的結局,不是兩個人突破萬難走在一起。
    只有在一起后相處舒服,才是感情的圓滿。

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